All Apologies/Where Did You Sleep Last Night – A look back at Unplugged. All in all is all we are. #MusicisLife #TedTocksCovers

There is a lot to unpack here, but part of what I do is sift through everything and then aim to take it down one narrow road.

Nirvana ‘Unplugged’ debuted on MTV 30 years ago today, just about a month after it was recorded.

Today’s feature will take a look at Nirvana’s setlist for the ‘Unplugged’ concert with a focus on the two set closing songs. To sum up this show up in one line, Nirvana did it their way. In other words, the plan from the initial invitation to the final note was not to hit the stage and play Nirvana’s greatest hits. In the words of Dave Grohl;

We knew we didn’t want to do an acoustic version of Teen Spirit. That would’ve been horrendously stupid. We felt it would be better if we found other songs.”

Dave Grohl

In comparison to the artists who did ‘Unplugged’ before, he went on to add;

We’d seen the other Unplugged’s and didn’t like many of them, because most bands would treat them like rock shows—play their hits like it was Madison Square Garden, except with acoustic guitars”.

Dave Grohl

To top it all off, based on the sombre tone of the songs they intended to play, Kurt Cobain requested that the set include a chandelier and candles. The look he was going for was to resemble a funeral.

How’s that for a case of foreshadowing?

It was through this commitment that Nirvana’s edition of ‘Unplugged’ became a celebrated performance. To their credit, Nirvana telegraphed this decision. Given the format, the decision to adapt their setlist to songs that were more conducive to an acoustic presentation only made sense. They laid it out for MTV’s ‘Unplugged’ producer Alex Coletti, who was left with the unenviable task of selling this approach to upper management who tended to see everything as only a commercial entity. This is a clip from Coletti’s interview with ‘Guitar World’

 I said to MTV, ‘They’re going to bring some guests on. At first everybody’s eyes lit up, like, ‘Who’s it gonna be?’. They wanted to hear ‘right’ names like Eddie Vedder or Tori Amos. When I said, ‘the Meat Puppets’, it was like, ‘Oh great. They’re not doing any hits and they’re inviting guests who don’t have any hits to come play. Perfect.’”

Alex Coletti

Here is Nirvana performing ‘Lake of Fire’ along with Curt and Cris Kirkwood of the Meat Puppets. This is a sensational delivery.

Just thinking of Coletti’s interaction with MTV executives makes me laugh. Clearly, he was in the middle; essentially negotiating on behalf of two groups that were speaking different languages. In retrospect, Nirvana held all the aces in this poker game. They had the audience.

No one could have predicted the set list that included only eight Nirvana songs. Their selection fit seamlessly into the acoustic format. Everything went to another level with the surprises. Immediately following the two opening Nirvana hits that opened the show (‘About a Girl’ and ‘Come as You Are’) the choices took a turn that set the tone for the evening. Here is a cover of The Vaselines ‘Jesus Don’t Want Me for a Sunbeam’.

The mood was cast.

As mentioned above, including the Meat Puppets tracks was a stroke of genius, but the surprises went to even greater heights. Years later, we recall the brilliant and now eternally glorified version of David Bowie’s ‘The Man Who Sold the World’.

As the show moved along, the atmosphere was comfortable. The raucous and chaotic scene that tended to exist during a typical Nirvana concert was replaced with a casual, almost serene backdrop. Exactly what Nirvana set out to accomplish.

Toward the shows’ conclusion, the penultimate song was the ‘In Utero’ single ‘All Apologies’ which summarized their sentiment related to the evening and the way they felt about scene.

In the sun, in the sun, I feel as one”

Kurt Cobain

The interesting thing about ‘All Apologies’ is that it was written by Kurt Cobain back in 1990, before Nirvana took the music world by storm, and long before he became an icon for a generation.

A look back through YouTube led to this discovery of a bootleg version of ‘All Apologies’ from University of Bradford in West Yorkshire, England.

Here is Dave Grohl’s reflection on ‘All Apologies’.

I remember hearing it and thinking, ‘God, this guy has such a beautiful sense of melody, I can’t believe he’s screaming all the time.'”

Dave Grohl

It just goes to show that for Nirvana, everything was situational and their ability to adapt to the moment became their greatest asset.

Never any apologies.

What else should I be?
All apologies
What else should I say?
Everyone is gay

What else should I write?
I don’t have the right
What else should I be?
All apologies

In the sun, in the sun, I feel as one
In the sun, in the sun
Married, buried

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault

I’ll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn, freezer burn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun, in the sun, I feel as one
In the sun, in the sun
Married, buried
Married, buried
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

All in all is all we are…”

Dave Grohl

Standing on its own, ‘All Apologies’ would have made for a symbolic closing song, but of course they had another surprise up their sleeve. More on that in a moment.

First, here is the album version from ‘In Utero’. Pay close attention to cello by Kera Schaley. Kera was a friend of producer Steve Albini and as she recalled, including this instrument became a matter of great debate.

Kurt loved the deep sound, like the really deep, groaning sound of the low notes. He was like, ‘just lay on that for a long time.’ And so I just laid on that low note for him. And I got some noise parts in there. I like making noise on the cello, too. And if you listen for some high screeching sounds at the end, that’s me.”

Kera Schaley

Just one more interesting footnote to a song that Kurt Cobain summarized as “peaceful, happy, comfort – just happy happiness.”

This will take you back almost exactly thirty years. Ironically and despite Kurt Cobain’s description, ‘All Apologies’ has the dubious distinction of being the final Nirvana single released before his suicide in April of 1994. It should be noted that for the ‘Unplugged’ performance the cello was played by Lori Goldston.

Keeping with the homage to Nirvana’s legacy, here are surviving members, Pat Smear, Dave Grohl, and Krist Novoselic at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. They were joined by Joan Jett, St. Vincent (Annie Clark), Kim Gordon and Lorde on vocals. Lorde captures the moment and manages to do it in an almost reluctant and unassuming way, while Novoselic drives the rhythm with his well-placed accordion. A special performance for sure.

Soon after ‘In Utero’ was released Sinead O’Connor added ‘All Apologies’ to the track list of her album ‘Universal Mother’. This was an interesting selection for Sinead. Music as therapy. The subdued delivery is vintage Sinead O’Connor. She is making a statement here.

Heading back to Sony Studios in New York City, the set was coming to an end. Kurt Cobain feigned indifference.

Fuck you all. This is the last song of the evening.”

Kurt Cobain

About as good natured as it gets. This was as close as Kurt Cobain ever got to toasting his audience. They GOT IT, that night. As Nirvana signed off, they treated everyone with the old Lead Belly song ‘Where Did You Sleep Last Night’.

Here is the preamble which leads to this strong set closer.

What is it? This was written by my favorite performer. Our favorite performer, isn’t it? All of ours? We like him the best? Oh and here’s a donation basket to buy Leadbelly’s guitar
Oh yeah, this guy representing the Leadbelly estate wants to sell me Leadbelly’s guitar for $500,000
We’re passing a basket around.
Yeah, I even asked David Geffen personally if he’d buy it for me. He wouldn’t do it.”

Nirvana – On Stage Banter

Here is the Lead Belly version along with the lyrics for you to sing along.

My girl, my girl, don’t lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines where the sun don’t ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go?
I’m going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, in the pines where the sun don’t ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

Her husband was a hardworking man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found

My girl, my girl, don’t lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines where the sun don’t ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through (Shiver for me)

My girl, my girl, where will you go?
I’m going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, in the pines where the sun don’t ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, don’t lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines where the sun don’t ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go?
I’m going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, the pines the sun don’t shine
I’d shiver… the whole night through

American Traditional

This song has a history going back over 150 years. It is actually a combination of two songs; ‘In the Pines’ and ‘The Longest Train’. Its authorship is unknown, so it goes down as a traditional American folk song with roots connecting the story to the coal mines of the Southern Appalachian. There will be more on ‘Where Did You Sleep Last Night’ in a future Ted Tocks post. This is a classic.

For Kurt Cobain and Nirvana, this was not their first brush with ‘Where Did You Sleep Last Night’. Cobain and bassist Krist Novoselic worked with Mark Pickerel and Mark Lanegan of the Screaming Trees on a version of the song in 1989. The back story is fascinating. The quartet were in a blues phase and their love of the genre centred on the work of Lead Belly. Within this space they toyed with the idea of creating a supergroup and calling themselves The Jury. This all happened about twenty years after bands like Cream and Led Zeppelin did pretty much the same thing. The group rehearsed in a rented space above the Continental Trailways bus station in Seattle. They referred to this refuge as ‘Nirvana’.

Following the final note Alex Coletti and Nirvana briefly flirted with the idea of an encore. Here is the MTV producer’s intriguing recollection.

 I said, “Now’s the time. You’re not gonna get to do this again. And they listened and they weren’t just dismissing it. And I threw out ‘Verse Chorus Verse’, and there was one song that was a B-side that Dave sang, ‘Marigold’. So honestly, I wasn’t doing what MTV wanted, which was getting hits. I was throwing out obscure stuff. Just stuff I thought would work acoustic and be cool. But I wasn’t gonna come out and say, “Try Teen Spirit.” But Kurt thought about it and he said, “I don’t think we can top the last song.” And the minute he said that, I pressed the button on my headset and said, “We’re wrapped.”

Alex Coletti

With that exchange it was all over. Everyone was satisfied.

In the spotlight…they felt as one.

Come As You Are – A significant date in relation to the ‘Seattle’ music scene. #MusicisLife #TedTocksCovers #KurtCobain #Nirvana #AliceInChains #LayneStaley #KillingJoke #TheDamned #DaveGrohl #MadSeason #MikeMcCready #StoneGossard #ShawnSmith #Brad #LeoMoracchioli #LittleRoy

There is a welcome sign on the outskirts of Aberdeen, Washington that says

“Welcome to Aberdeen – Come as You Are”

This is an homage to Kurt Cobain. As you venture further into the community an additional memorial awaits. It is a replica sculpture of Cobain’s Fender Jag-Stang guitar. This tribute was created by Aberdeen artists Kim and Lora Malakoff. The inscription on the memorial is a line from a Nirvana song called ‘On a Plain’. It says;

One more special message to go and then I’m done, and I can go home.”

Kurt Cobain – On a Plain

Here is a live version of that song from the famous 1993 MTV ‘Unplugged’ performance.

All of this is a way of introducing today’s feature song ‘Come as You Are’ and how this date is intrinsically tied to music history on several fronts. You will see how the characters in this post become interwoven, forever connected by April 5th.

Let’s go back to late 1988. A new band was forming in Seattle’s burgeoning ‘grunge’ music scene. In November, Nirvana released their debut single ‘Love Buzz’. In two December recording sessions that amounted to about thirty hours of recording, Nirvana produced their debut album that would become known as ‘Bleach’. The bill was $606.16. Their label ‘Sub Pop’ were huge supporters of the grunge scene so they channeled Nirvana’s creativity into that style.

There was this pressure from Sub Pop and the grunge scene to play ‘rock music. We stripped it down and made it sound like Aerosmith. We had to fit the expectations of the grunge sound to build a fanbase, so we suppressed my arty and pop songwriting traits while crafting the record.”

Kurt Cobain

In order to match that format, they created songs that were…

…deliberately bleak, claustrophobic, and lyrically sparse, with none of the manic derangement or sense of release of the live performance.”

 One song that really stood out against that form was ‘About a Girl’.

‘Bleach’ was a harbinger of great things to come. By the time their second album ‘Nevermind’ was released in 1991, ‘Bleach’ had sold approximately 40,000 copies in North America. Once ‘Nevermind’ burst upon the scene in 1991, Sub Pop gave permission to Geffen Records to release ‘Bleach’ on their label and sales of the debut album flourished, approaching the 2 million range.

As the rock and grunge subculture exploded in the Pacific northwest an act that was actually from Seattle gained international prominence with their debut album.

Enter, Alice in Chains. This act is widely associated with the grunge scene, but they had a strong heavy metal influence. Their debut album ‘Facelift’ was released in 1990. It featured the harsh condemnation of commercialism and conformity, known as ‘Man in the Box’. For many, this song was an assault on the senses and the conscience. The more I listen to it, the more I applaud this act for coming out of the gate with such a strong message. Powerful doesn’t begin to describe this timeless piece of music, nor the astute lyrics. Have a listen.

‘Man in the Box’ was released in January of 1991 and had an immediate impact on the Billboard Mainstream chart, penetrating the Top 20. It was nominated for a Grammy in 1992 for Best Hard Rock Performance. For guitarist Jerry Cantrell ‘Man in the Box’ was a career defining song that he was glad they were fortunate enough to create early.

That whole beat and grind of that is when we started to find ourselves; it helped Alice become what it was.”

Jerry Cantrell

The talk box and guitar effect was the idea of producer Dave Jerden who was listening to the radio on his drive in to the studio and heard Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’. While I am not a Bon Jovi fan at all, I thank them for this influence.

Having said all that, for me it’s the lyrics. So many times, it comes down to the lyrics when it comes to my love of music. This is intense.

Vocalist Layne Staley explained the song from this perspective in a 1992 interview in Rolling Stone:

I started writing about censorship. Around the same time, we went out for dinner with some Columbia Records people who were vegetarians. They told me how veal was made from calves raised in these small boxes, and that image stuck in my head. So I went home and wrote about government censorship and eating meat as seen through the eyes of a doomed calf.”

Layne Staley

Jerry Cantrell added his thoughts by implying it is up to the individual to break out of the box and educate themselves, rather than accept force fed garbage from mainstream media. There are sources that can be trusted, but we need to dig, and we need to be discerning.

It’s basically about how government and media control the public’s perception of events in the world or whatever, and they build you into a box by feeding it to you in your home. And it’s about breaking out of that box and looking outside of that box that has been built for you.”

Jerry Cantrell

I can’t move on from Alice in Chains without sharing the lyrics to this important song.

“I’m the man in the box
Buried in my shit
Won’t you come and save me?
Save me

Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you’ve sewn them shut

I’m the dog who gets beat
Shove my nose in shit
Won’t you come and save me
Save me

Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you’ve sewn them shut

Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you’ve sewn them shut”

Layne Staley – Man in the Box

With the success of the ‘Seattle’ scene making waves across North America and around the world, music fans were watching closely for subsequent releases from acts like Nirvana and Alice in Chains. As a result of the success of these acts other bands were able to emerge and take the world by storm. The timing was perfect for acts like Soundgarden, Silverchair, Stone Temple Pilots and Pearl Jam (who I will get to shortly). Everything was ripe for Nirvana’s follow up release.

I alluded to ‘Nevermind’ earlier. I am not going to go into too much detail here because “I have miles to go before I sleep”. Everybody knows that ‘Nevermind’ is an essential album. It was a turning point for Nirvana and it epitomizes an important chapter in music history. The album marked the debut of drummer Dave Grohl who continues to be a prominent figure more than a quarter of a century later. For Nirvana, at the time they knew they needed to release something that would make a statement. It had to work within the framework of the evolving scene, but it needed to test the boundaries and push the narrative. They wouldn’t settle for any clichés. The result was what Kurt Cobain described this way.

The Knack and the Bay City Rollers getting molested by Black Flag and Black Sabbath

Kurt Cobain

Cobain was unapologetic about his range of musical interests. He was as comfortable listening to ABBA and The Beatles or David Bowie as he was listening to The Pixies or The Sex Pistols. This open-mindedness to songwriting and creativity bore ‘Nevermind’.  In essence, ‘Nevermind’ was an invitation for everybody and everything to just throw away any pretense and be yourself. Literally, ‘Come as You Are’. Stop the charade.

Of course, the elephant in the room is the fact that Kurt Cobain repeats over and over again at the end of the song “no I don’t have a gun” which in light of the fateful conclusion of his life has been pointed to as one of music’s most ironic forms of lyrical foreshadowing.

Another intriguing thing about ‘Come as You Are’ is it has been suggested the song’s riff is a blatant rip off of ‘Eighties’ by an English post punk band called Killing Joke. It is widely reported that this act considered legal action but opted not to, due to the tragic circumstances that ensued. Singer Jaz Coleman explained:

(We were) very pissed off about that, but it’s obvious to everyone. We had two separate musicologists’ reports saying it was. Our publisher sent their publisher a letter saying it was and they went ‘Boo, never heard of ya!’, but the hysterical thing about Nirvana saying they’d never heard of us was that they’d already sent us a Christmas card!”

Jaz Coleman

He added this quip in another interview:

It’s a short f–king life, mate – we could be going fishing or something sensible” 

Jaz Coleman

Ironically, another British punk era called The Damned insisted that Killing Joke borrowed ‘Eighties’ from their song called ‘Life Goes On’ so the list goes on. What is the old saying about ‘three chords and the truth’?

Here is ‘Eighties’ by Killing Joke:

Fittingly, here is ‘Life Goes On’ by The Damned:

Naturally, Dave Grohl managed to smooth everything over by playing drums on Killing Joke’s 2003 self-titled album ‘Killing Joke’. A couple of interesting points here: The first is that Killing Joke has the distinction of being a band to have two self-titled alums in their library. They were going to call it ‘Axis of Evil’ after the Bush regime’s ‘weapons of mass destruction’ crusade, but they went the self-titled route. The second interesting point is;  Dave Grohl laid down the drum tracks after all the other tracks were complete. This is a very rare approach to recording which Grohl found to be a unique.

It’s the first record I’ve ever done where the drums come last. Usually drums are first. It’s nice, though, because once you put the drums down and all the percussion is done and everything, it’s done. You have a finished song. And also, all the programming and stuff that Andy is doing, the rhythms that they came up with are great. It’s not conventional “rock drumming”, it’s not like conventional rock rhythms. It’s challenging. Everything is a challenge.”

Dave Grohl

Other drummers considered to take part in this project were John Dolmayan from System of a Down and Danny Carey from Tool. When Dave Grohl heard the tracks, he was intrigued and offered to play the whole album…for free. Ever the class act, he gave his time for this project. What a guy.

The story continues and it gets dark.

As we all know, Kurt Cobain committed suicide in 1994. This is well documented, so I won’t go into detail. See ‘Heart Shaped Box’ and ‘The Man Who Sold the World’.

The death of Kurt Cobain in 1994 had a significant impact on Layne Staley who was struggling with depression and drug addiction. The captivating Alice in Chains singer had a strong support system working in his orbit and they did everything they could to channel his attention toward positive projects.

Alice in Chains released their follow up album to ‘Facelift’ in 1992; the critically acclaimed ‘Dirt’.  This was followed by ‘Jar of Flies’ which was an acoustic EP that brought out the best in the act from a fans perspective. The problem was, in the background the band was in turmoil. Bassist, Mike Starr was fired at the end of the ‘Dirt’ tour. He was replaced by former Ozzy Osbourne bassist, Mike Inez. While this was happening, Layne Staley was in a state of deterioration on a personal level, but the material on ‘Jar of Flies’ indicated that he was at a creative peak. By the time ‘Jar of Flies’ was released in January of 1994 the band was at a crossroads. The album was critically acclaimed, and it sold well but Staley’s condition had become so bad that the band opted not to tour. Layne Staley entered rehab and at the invitation of Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready, he participated in a project called Mad Season along with Seattle musicians, Barrett Martin of Screaming Trees, and John Baker Saunders of The Walkabouts.  This was an olive branch presented by McCready because his Pearl Jam bandmates were deeply impacted by Kurt Cobain’s death and they were terrified at their friend, Staley’s prospects. As a group the Mad Season mates hoped the creative outlet they offered would by a positive diversion. Although the group performed together and released an album called ‘Above’ in 1995 the effort to help Layne Staley fell short. The project resulted in some strong material which included ‘River of Deceit’. Check out these lyrics:

My pain… is self-chosen At least so the prophet says I could either burn Or cut off my pride and buy some time A head full of lies is the weight Tied to my waist The river of deceit pulls down The only direction we flow is down Down, oh down.”

Mad Season – River of Deceit

Here is the song. It is so honest. So sad.

To continue this portrayal of how interconnected the ‘Seattle’ scene was, I will move on to Pearl Jam bassist Stone Gossard, who had his own side project called ‘Brad’. This is yet another cool story. Along with drummer Regan Hagar, (who also played with Gossard and Pearl Jam bassist, Jeff Ament in Mother Love Bone) and Seattle songwriter Shawn Smith, Brad served as a strong creative outlet while Pearl Jam took a break from touring their hugely successful debut album, ‘Ten’. Brad’s first album was called ‘Shame’. It was released to a tepid response in 1993. It truly is a shame that it did not receive more attention because it has some great material.

Here is a funny story about how Brad chose the band name. It seems the ensemble wanted to call themselves ‘Shame’ but they quickly discovered that a fledgling act featuring a musician named Brad Wilson called themselves ‘Shame’. Gossard and his bandmates reached out to Wilson in an effort to acquire the rights to the name, but their request was declined. The group simply shrugged their shoulders and called the album ‘Shame’ and named their band ‘Brad’ in an ironic homage to the reluctant musician.

Brad followed up ‘Shame’ with four other releases between 1995 and 2012. Here is a taste of the work ‘Brad’ created from a live, in studio performance on KEXP in Seattle where they worked to support their final release as a band called ‘United We Stand’. This is really good.

As you watch this video you will see Stone Gossard take a back seat role. He gives a lot of credit to the driving force behind ‘Brad’. That person was Shawn Smith, who was a beautiful songwriter and strong vocalist with an artistic mystique. As you go through his library of music that includes projects such as Satchel, Pigeonhed and The Twilight Singers, you detect a wide range of influence. One fascinating item is that in his own words, he attributed his love of music and desire to create, to one artist; Prince. It is always interesting to see where musicians get their inspiration.

Throughout this post I have done my best to weave this ‘Seattle/Pacific northwest music scene’ together to show how connected the artists who emerged were. It was a fascinating exercise which opened the door to some fantastic material. It sent me down a rabbit hole and quite frankly, in today’s world there is really no reason to come out too soon. I hope you are inspired to explore some of these artists along with their deep tracks and side projects. This is often where the most honest creativity is borne because it is not bound by expectations.

In addition to the theme illustrated above, here is the significance to this day over the past 55 years.

April 5th – A summary of its’ significance:

Mike McCready of Pearl Jam was born on April 5, 1965

Kurt Cobain of Nirvana committed suicide on April 5, 1994

Layne Staley of Alice in Chains died of a heroin/cocaine ‘speedball’ overdose on April 5, 2002

The guitar statue tribute in Aberdeen, Washington was unveiled on April 5, 2011

Shawn Smith of Brad, Satchel, Pigeonhed and The Twilight Singers died as a result of complications from diabetes on this day in 2019.

To me, Shawn Smith is the unsung hero of this post.

Cheers Shawn!

Just as an added bonus, may it be noted that one of many pop influences for Kurt Cobain was the artistic brilliance of ABBA and their ability to blend their artistic talent and great vision to create great music. Well, April 5th just happens to be Agnetha Faltskog’s 70th birthday. Here is ‘Dancing Queen’.

Influence can come from many places if you look at it right. Open your mind.

Back to today’s feature song ‘Come as You Are’, here is a great cover by one of my favourite cover artists, Leo Marachiolli doing his version along with his wife Stine, back in 2017.

To send you off with a smile on your face and a dancing groove, here is a reggae version of ‘Come as You Are’ by Little Roy.

Dance like nobody is watching.

To paraphrase Kurt Cobain:

This is my special message…I am done. I can go home.

Heart Shaped Box – Today’s classic song and an energetic cover. #MusicisLife #TedTocksCovers #KurtCobain #Nirvana #FatherJohnMisty

It’s hard to believe it has been 25 years since Kurt Cobain was found dead in his Seattle home. Cobain’s death was listed as suicide from a shotgun blast, but the high volume of heroin and traces of valium have shrouded the cause of death in some degree of mystery. Many consider the combination of dubious circumstances surrounding Cobain’s death as evidence to something more sinister, but the death certificate was officially listed as a suicide. A note found with Cobain read;

“I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music, along with really writing…for too many years now.”

The significance of today’s song, ‘Heart Shaped Box’ has multiple branches. I will focus on a handful because they are intriguing to say the least.

Most ominously, ‘Heart Shaped Box’ has the distinction of being the last song Nirvana performed live. It was the set closer during a March 1st concert in Munich, Germany. The early 1994 tour was slated to run longer but Cobain had come down with a serious case of bronchitis. He was seriously worn out and he was straining to perform at all. He was also in a declining mental and emotional state which was evidenced in the suicide note cited above.

By all indications the final show was solid if not a little short, coming in at less than an hour and a half. Cobain powered through his voice issues and the band played a strong set. Here is the audio of ‘Heart Shaped Box’.

The second interesting aspect of ‘Heart Shaped Box’ stems from its lyrics and evolution from idea to recording. In short, it was never easy, and it was definitely put on the shelf for a while. According to Courtney Love the song was born out of a riff Cobain was working on in their house in the Hollywood Hills. Love was drawn in by the sound Cobain emerging from the closet upstairs and asked if she could use it for a Hole song. According to the enigmatic singer, Cobain’s response was a curt “Fuck off”, and he closed the door in her face. In its original state ‘Heart Shaped Box’ was titled ‘Heart Shaped Coffin’. All this is a long way of noting that essentially the song is a dark ode to Courtney Love and their complicated relationship. Here are the lyrics.

She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak
I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks
I’ve been drawn into your magnetar pit trap trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black

Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice, your advice

Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel hair and baby’s breath
Broken hymen of your Highness, I’m left back
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice, your advice

She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak
I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks
I’ve been drawn into your magnetar pit trap trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black

Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I’ve got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice, your advice, your advice, your advice

It is a dark and sardonic trip. The “Forever in debt to your priceless advice” can be interpreted in so many ways and it speaks to the turmoil that Kurt Cobain was enduring both personally and professionally.


‘Heart Shaped Box’ was released in September of 1993 and despite its original strategy focusing on college stations, as well as album oriented rock and modern rock formats, it became a hit in the mainstream. Eventually it hit #1 on the Billboard Chart. ‘Heart Shaped Box’ exists among the finest of Nirvana’s many great offerings.

The final item I want to focus on relates to the suitably dark video that was released in conjunction with ‘Heart Shaped Box’. Kurt Cobain is on record as saying that one of his influences for writing the song was watching a documentary about kids fighting cancer. The show struck him with a profound sadness and empathy. This line speaks to that point.

“I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black.”

This sentiment gives the song an underlying dark tone, but it can also be equated to his relationship with the unpredictable character of Courtney Love. The resulting clinical theme gives rise to the choice of video setting. It begins and ends with Nirvana sitting in a hospital room watching an elderly man being administered an IV drip. As the song progresses the viewer is taken to a surreal outdoor setting that resembles The Wizard of Oz. The man from the hospital is now wearing a Santa hat and hanging on a cross, while being stalked by crows. The imagery is very foreboding.

As the scene described above unfolds a six year old girl is introduced to the setting. She is wearing a white robe and a peaked cap in reference to the Ku Klux Klan. She is shown reaching up into a tree of fetuses. This is a clear portrayal of loss of innocence and offers yet another glimpse into the complexities of Kurt Cobain, his thought processes and deep rooted issues that go back to his own formative days. An interesting aside to the presence of the young girl, whose name is Kelsey Rohr is, in early 2016 Nirvana drummer and current Foo Fighter, Dave Grohl arranged for a meeting between the two. Here is a brief account from that meeting before I move on to today’s cover.

Dave Grohl has a reputation of being the ‘nice guy of rock and roll’. In 2016 Grohl reached out to Rohr and arranged for the two to reunite, 23 years after the shooting of the video. Rohr was thrilled with the meeting and she shared it on her Instagram page.

“Today Dave Grohl and I picked up right where we left off 23 years ago on the set of Nitvana’s last video, ‘Heart Shaped Box’. Today reminded me that I peaked at 6 years old BUT I was the most badass kid on the playground. Today was the absolute coolest. Or in Dave’s words, seeing each other today was a historic moment. What a legend!”

A nice moment between the two and truly a demonstration of the classy performer Dave Grohl continues to be. There are many stories of him reaching out to fans.

For today’s cover I moved away from some potential studio performances of ‘Heart Shaped Box’ in favour of this live presentation by Father John Misty. It just grabbed me. His ability to present the angst in his delivery personifies live music. The audience is right there for the ride. This guy is another must listen. Enjoy!